Ah fun monkey disease.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Thomas F wilson, who played Biff in Back to the Future, singing a song about annoying film questions he still gets asked. Pretty catchy tune .
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Friday, December 14, 2007
Next we have Texas's song In Our Lifetime which bizarrely enough is a complete rip of Creep by TLC. Left eye lopez will be turning in her grave.
Finally we have the strange phenomenon of someone completely copying there own song. Bodyrockers debut single 'The Way You Move' was a fairly mediocre dance song but it sold in its millions so when the time came to release a new single they pretty much released 'The Way You Move' mark II.
Brings to mind those annoying copyright theft ads before a film."You wouldn't steal a car, you wouldn't steal a handbag, you wouldn't steal a song?"
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
What happened to Katy French was tragic and i wouldn't wish it upon anyone but lets not overhype her death. Day in day out people day in Ireland of drugs but as soon as a rich, blonde woman dies suddenly we have a national drug problem. Below is Mongrel.ie brilliant article on the matter.
Every so often you come across a newspaper article so joyously unhinged that, like the diner in the famous scene from When Harry Met Sally, you’re tempted to grab a passing waiter, point at the journalist responsible and say “I’ll have whatever he’s having”. John Waters’ eulogy for Katy French in today’s Irish Times is one such article. The link to the full article is here. But, since the Irish Times site is subscription only, I’ve reprinted selected highlights after the jump.
After a brief introduction, in which he explains that he once said hello to Katy French backstage at the Late Late Show, Waters gets down to business:
"She had a beauty that suggested itself as emanating from an infinity within. She seemed to believe anything was possible and her smile convinced you, for an instant, that she was right. I wanted her dreams to come true. She was a child. She was my daughter and Eoghan’s daughter and Eamon’s daughter and Pat’s daughter and Bertie’s daughter. She was your daughter, your little sister. She was a child of Ireland in the time of its rebirth."
Incidentally, I once ran into Katy French at the mart in Ballymote and that’s exactly what I thought too.
"Katy French was a personification of our fantasies, of our sense of what we were becoming, of how we might unfold ourselves. She was not the only one, but in the immediate past was perhaps the most spectacular light on the skyline, a meteorite of desire plummeting through the Irish zeitgeist… Katy had found a way of being that promised her it could slake all her human cravings. She had manoeuvred herself into a position where everything humanly desirable seemed to be within reach, and was careering forward on the path opening up in front of her. She did not, other than literally, die of whatever it will say on her death certificate. She died of desire, of being utterly human."
Now, obviously, no article on Katy French’s (genuinely) sad demise is complete without at least one reference to the Pope’s most recent encyclical.
"As Pope Benedict reminds us in his new encyclical, we have no idea what we would really like. “We do not know this reality at all; even in those moments when we think we can reach out and touch it, it eludes us.” All we know is that it is not what we have. God is a concept by which we measure our longings. I’ll say it again. God is a concept by which we measure our longings. As Katy did not comprehend the limits of her human capacity to pursue her angelic yearnings, neither, anymore, do the rest of us… And so, dear friends, we’ll just have to think it up all over again. The dream is over. Our daughter Katy is dead… The dream is over."
Holy shit. Makes ‘Sorry for your troubles’ seem kinda stingy by comparison.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Apparently, the main commentator is Argentinian but he just sounds like a North American doing a really bad impression of a South American commentator.
"Golaco Goooooooaaaaaaallllll Juan Rrrrrrrroman Rrrrrrrequilme. Argentina 1 chilay 0.
Argentina 2 Argentina 2 Argentina 2 Ar-Gent-Ina 2 Chilay 0"
Special mention has to go to Ray Hudson for comparing Riquelme to every form of art.
"Poet of the game", "Benini sculpture of a goal", "its a majesterial hit by an artist" " An absolute concerto goal"
Also, how can you win World cup player of the year for your performances in the Copa America?
Ray Hudson is hilarious. Who is he and where did they get him?
" Will ya stop talking about tennis players and stupid Hollywood h'actors Phil, Its the gladiators out there man, Tom Cruise, giv us a break, if he smelt a sock..jockstrap he'd faint dead away."
What tennis player?
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
I always wonder whether I'd go to space if i was given the chance. I like the idea of zero gravity but the high chance of death doesn't appeal to me quite as much. Also, how do you do a zero gravity shit?
The famous atheist Richard Dawkins once stated ""It is often said, mainly by the "no-contests", that although there is no positive evidence for the existence of God, nor is there evidence against his existence. So it is best to keep an open mind and be agnostic. At first sight that seems an unassailable position, at least in the weak sense of Pascal's wager. But on second thoughts it seems a cop-out, because the same could be said of Father Christmas and tooth fairies. There may be fairies at the bottom of the garden. There is no evidence for it, but you can't prove that there aren't any, so shouldn't we be agnostic with respect to fairies?" Basically he's saying that there being a God is as likely as there being tooth fairies. Still, this joke about God's son is pretty funny.
"Hey, I bet if Jesus..."
Have you ever noticed that people always poke fun at lads when they start to grow a beard? "Did you forget to shave", ", "What's with the beard" and " what's that hanging from your chin?" , are common invectives centred at guys when in the early stages of beard growth. When someone is growing a beard they are often patronisingly asked "Awh are you trying to grow a beard?" As if there's some skill involved and as if the beardee(a new phrase i invented, like employeee) might be so incomptent that he will fail in the attempt. Many do give up at an early stage, not due to inability to grow a beard but due to the constant abuse. Whats amazing is that once the beard is fully grown it's fine, noone says anything. People instantly forget the whole embarrassing transition stage between clean shaven and neanderthal man. It's as if they think its possible to grow a beard over night. In Golden Discs employees are allowed to have a full beard or be clean shaven. How can the poor staff at Golden Discs grow a beard then? Personally I don't think a beard would suit me so I don't bother with them but my heart goes out to the staff at Golden Discs. If you feel the same way please go to this website www.NoMoreBeardOppressionAtGoldenDiscs.ie. Thank you.
P.s If you thought that was a real link you're an idiot.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Saturday, December 1, 2007
If someone drops a knife and it severs your toe you cry, and you don't feel like a pussy. If a bomb went off in close proximity to you and you cry you don't feel like a pussy. These are the type of moments that you get sympathy for, the type of painful incidents that you get called brave for having experienced despite having no choice in the matter.But what about those really painful incidents that you get no sympathy for. Those moments when all you want to do is cry and punch a cupboard but the incident seems so innocuous to onlookers that you don't want to look like a whingeing child. My top ten of these moments are as follows:
10. Running down the stairs really fast, missing a step and then sliding down the stairs on your buttocks. Hilarious to onlookers but really quite painful.
9. Biting your nails and accidently biting too much off leaving a bit of your under nail skin exposed. There is no cure for this pain, just patience, and a lot of blowing on your finger.
8. Burning yourself on the handle of some form of cooking utensil. The most annoying thing about this pain is that it's so willingly self inflicted, part of you knows that the handle will be boiling but you grab it anyway.
7. Punching things. Makes you feel like a real man until you realise that your knuckles have withdrawn, wolverine style, back into your hand.
6. Biting your gum. Such a shock when it happens and the ensuing lump on the inside of your mouth feels so much bigger when you rub it with your tongue.
5.Getting a brain freeze. God's way of punishing kids who eat their ice cream too fast.
4.Stubbing your toe. Everyone has done this.. several times. The toe stub usually goes as follows. (1)Stand on pointy object, (2) mouth silent swearwords(similar to a silent laugh) (3) Do a one footed hop around the room looking for an inanimate object to punch so that it can feel your pain.
3. Hitting your head off a low door. Makes your brain angry.
2. Pinching your neck-fat with the clip of a helmet. Okay, this ones seems pretty specific but I have a sneaking suspicion that this is a common enough occurence. Even if it's only happened to you once you will live in fear of clipping helmet straps for the rest of your life.
1.Cramp. It truly is horrible. Especially leg cramp. The spasms, the muscle tightening, the fear of moving any part of your body in case it sets the cramps off again. I once got cramp on a plane, in the middle seat, beside two strangers, just after food had been served so everyone's trays where up and full of food. It wasn't fun.
This remix is so bad it's good. Trying to find biggie songs on limewire is a pain in the ass. You don't know whether to search Big, B.i.G, Biggie, Biggie Smalls, Notorius BIG or big fat dead rapper.
Best rap tune i've heard in a while.
" She was the type to watch Oprah and the Today Show,
Be on the treadmill, uh, like "Okay, go"
Had a body, A body that you can't pay fo'
That mean she had some Ds on her but they wasn't fake though"
Is she smarter than a ten year old? No. She's not smarter than anyone or anything. Im pretty sure i was smarter than her when i was in the womb. Apparently she was on American Idol a few years back. I wish she won cus her european tour would have been an eyeopener.
The last time Vaseline was so funny was when i was 10 and i was told that vaseline was used as a sexual lubricant. Seriously though, this video is nuts. I could only speculate as to what drugs Tyra Banks is on. Have you ever notice how easily these female talk show hosts can whip their crowds into a frenzy, Tyra would have been great at the nuremburg rallies. Oprah's just as bad. Calm down ladies it's just fucking Vaseline.
Sunday, 2 December
Kick-off: 1500 GMT
We usually struggle aginst Bolton but last year we did pretty well. Bolton did really well to beat United last week but im hoping that's taken a lot out of them. If we can manage to keep Anelka under wraps we should win this game. I think Benayoun and Torres could be key in this game(if he picks them) They're the type of players we need in what could be a very scrappy game.
Im going for 2-0 in this one Torres and Benayoun goalscorers.
My prefered team would be
Reina, Arbeloa, Finnan, Carragher, Hyypia, Kewell(LM), Gerrard, Mascherano, Benayoun(RM), Torres, Crouch.
Ive a sneaking suspicion that Rafa will play Sissoko to stop liverpool getting muscled out of the game but personally i hope he doesn't start.
LAST SEASON'S CORRESPONDING GAME(see video)
Liverpool 3-0 Bolton Wanderers
1 January 2007 - Ref: Graham Poll
Liverpool scorers: Crouch 61, Gerrard 63, Kuyt 83