Saturday, December 1, 2007

Painful things that you still feel like a baby crying about.

If someone drops a knife and it severs your toe you cry, and you don't feel like a pussy. If a bomb went off in close proximity to you and you cry you don't feel like a pussy. These are the type of moments that you get sympathy for, the type of painful incidents that you get called brave for having experienced despite having no choice in the matter.But what about those really painful incidents that you get no sympathy for. Those moments when all you want to do is cry and punch a cupboard but the incident seems so innocuous to onlookers that you don't want to look like a whingeing child. My top ten of these moments are as follows:
10. Running down the stairs really fast, missing a step and then sliding down the stairs on your buttocks. Hilarious to onlookers but really quite painful.
9. Biting your nails and accidently biting too much off leaving a bit of your under nail skin exposed. There is no cure for this pain, just patience, and a lot of blowing on your finger.
8. Burning yourself on the handle of some form of cooking utensil. The most annoying thing about this pain is that it's so willingly self inflicted, part of you knows that the handle will be boiling but you grab it anyway.
7. Punching things. Makes you feel like a real man until you realise that your knuckles have withdrawn, wolverine style, back into your hand.
6. Biting your gum. Such a shock when it happens and the ensuing lump on the inside of your mouth feels so much bigger when you rub it with your tongue.
5.Getting a brain freeze. God's way of punishing kids who eat their ice cream too fast.
4.Stubbing your toe. Everyone has done this.. several times. The toe stub usually goes as follows. (1)Stand on pointy object, (2) mouth silent swearwords(similar to a silent laugh) (3) Do a one footed hop around the room looking for an inanimate object to punch so that it can feel your pain.
3. Hitting your head off a low door. Makes your brain angry.
2. Pinching your neck-fat with the clip of a helmet. Okay, this ones seems pretty specific but I have a sneaking suspicion that this is a common enough occurence. Even if it's only happened to you once you will live in fear of clipping helmet straps for the rest of your life.
1.Cramp. It truly is horrible. Especially leg cramp. The spasms, the muscle tightening, the fear of moving any part of your body in case it sets the cramps off again. I once got cramp on a plane, in the middle seat, beside two strangers, just after food had been served so everyone's trays where up and full of food. It wasn't fun.

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